• Lisa Alex Gray

Grocery Store Seduction 101

Beware of the Little Debbie Swiss Roll Tower

There was a display at the entrance of my local grocery store yesterday that literally stopped me in my tracks.

It was a tower built from Little Debbie Swiss Roll boxes.

My husband Kurt was halfway down the first aisle before he realized I wasn’t with him. I was back at the Swissonian staring at my version of the Statue of David.

And if the image itself wasn’t enough to inspire poetry - the sign was.

It read, "10 FOR 10!”

I had to read it twice to be sure I wasn’t seeing things - ten for ten?

You mean all I have to do is give a store employee ten dollars and I can begin to create my own Little Debbie masterpiece?

My mind ran wild with ideas.

If I gave them fifty dollars I could build a Little Debbie fort. I could hide away from the whole world while surrounded by Swiss roll wallpaper.

I was already grabbing reinforcement shopping carts when Kurt caught up with me and snapped me back to reality.

“What are you doing?"...

"You’re not buying those are you?"...

"They’re not healthy” he exclaimed.

SH*T! Was all I could think.

My words have officially come back to bite me in the butt.

All those years that I ran my kitchen like a donutless dictatorship, where only healthy snacks were allowed to cross our borders, were now haunting me now.

I had been drunk with power and I didn’t care who got hurt.

Did Kurt really need to eat Kale Chips while watching the football game?

Who knew?

But that was how I played it.

Well now it was my football game and I wasn't aware of a kale chip that tasted like a Little Debbie Swiss Roll, which meant I was screwed.

Why did I want this stuff anyway? I thought I had outgrown childish indulgences.

How could one properly placed display undue all my hard work?

Those grocers really knew their stuff.

Unfortunately for them, I was going to be smarter.

I wasn't going to let them win this time.

So, I put the Little Debbie boxes down and courageously walked away from the display with my head held high.

Then I grabbed two boxes of Caption Crunch on sale “2 FOR $5.00” and continued on with my shopping.